Irritated Nerves (April 10 2017)

We have moved. Diximus movetur in Latin. Nick and I have a running joke about  “Habemus Papam”. We have a pope. When our granddaughter was born, we looked at each other and said, “Habemus Emma.” We’ve ‘habemused’ many people and things over the years.

Our house is sold and the closing is next week. We are officially residents of assisted living. Sheet and towel laundry? Done. House cleaned? Done. Meals prepared?  Done. I’m the youngest one in the place.

Once again, it’s hard for people to understand why we are here because I look great. I have no trouble moving around. I don’t even use a cane. Eating dairy free is not easy but I’m making my way. The chefs and culinary coaches (!) are very helpful and after one day knew our preferences.

We were at a small luncheon the other day and I opined that St Paul had many of the symptoms of ms. The light that knocked him down and blinded him?  Optic neuritis?. Sometimes he could walk and sometimes he could not. Same with writing. Timothy was his companion. Perhaps caregiver. The ‘thorn in Paul’s side’? The ms hug? The heavy burden that is ms? God told him no, He would not remove the thorn. God’s strength would be made manifest in Paul’s weakness. My blind spiritual director and I used to dive deep into that seeming oxymoron.

The woman next to me asked what the symptoms of ms are. Where do you start? I saw a post on FB this morning. The top 50 symptoms of ms. It’s a disease of the central nervous system. It affects everyone differently.

I’m doing well on the water and the diet part of the Coimbra protocol. It will be a year mid May. I have not yet plugged in the exercise piece. I’m too tired. I overdosed on people and events this past week. We took out our meals rather than eating in the dining room. I was peopled out. We stopped the workmen from coming to the door, finishing up the punch list for our newly renovated apartment. I did make Mass on Palm Sunday. That was my priority, Earlier in the weekend, we watched the Masters. Calm. Serene. Early to bed. Sleeping later in the morning. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was organizing, throwing out, giving away, moving as much as we could carry every day, moving, getting settled, house not selling and every day another house on the market, stress, stress, stress. My  adrenaline carried me like Road Runner. Gravity finally caught up.

We now have sheers/blinds on the windows in our bedroom. After three weeks without window coverings, we realized It’s a view we wanted to keep and we splurged and got motorized blinds so we can open and close them from bed. God willing, we’re going to live here a long, long time and it will be money well spent.

The fatigue – and depression that goes with it – left me feeling very vulnerable. Not paranoid but skinless. That’s hard to explain to a 95-year old woman who recently lost her husband and kept cycling through his death and the priest who gave him the Last Rites. I’ve been through it myself so I know the urge to keep telling the same story. Perhaps hoping for a different ending? Trying to find some answer or wisdom or relief. I listen. I had therapy for so many years I’ve always said I earned my credentials. Now I can use them.

I’ve read Ana Claudia Domene’s book   and I’m not as well as she is. But I’ve had ms  much longer and I’m older than she is. So, after eleven months how would I rate the protocol? Though I’m going through a rough patch with the move, I am much better than I have been in the past. And all my clothes fit me! My cholesterol went down 25 points with the no-dairy diet. Hope that keeps up. While I have not done the required exercise, I am able to stay vertical for long periods of time. That’s huge. I spent so many days in bed in a darkened room, this is really living!

We have been invited to join the Eucharistic Ministry (EM) in the Health Care Center. That seems a seal of approval from above.  In the novena to St Joseph that we’ve said every morning since we put the house on the market, there is a line – those who ask will receive, those who seek shall find. There is a need for EMs, especially in the summer months and we have been asked.  We’re looking for our way in this new life and we shall find it.


Categories: Multiple sclerosis
This post was written by , posted on May 12, 2017 Friday at 1:33 pm

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